Jessica Lloyd, PhD, RN

There are things in life which change us.  Accidents and events we don’t recover from.  In the blink of an eye, we are never the same. Forever defined by the words: before and after.

 

How ridiculous to pretend this isn’t so.  "Put one foot in front of the other,” my father would say.  Ironically it was his death which made this impossible.

 

I've been a million things, or so it seems sometimes:  Wife, mother, nurse, homeschooler, college professor, real estate agent, author,  speaker, yogi, and small business owner.  I've written books, sold my photography, and tried my hand at breeding Icelandic horses.  Physically, I've done half-marathons, half-centuries and even a few duathalons.  I've been an avid hiker, backpacker and bike-packer, but none of it even remotely prepared me for losing my dad to suicide.

 

On November 4, 2016, my world was shattered.  At 53, of course, I wasn't living with, or financially dependent, on my dad.  It's not that I needed him the way a much younger child would.  But death by suicide always takes its toll.  If I'm honest, what I lost that day wasn’t just my father, it's everything he taught me. 

 

In short, I was left to recreate a new way of being in the world.   I found myself trapped between who I had once been and who I had yet to become.  (Trust me, this is not an easy place to be!)  And for me, it ultimately entailed a six-year grief-driven vanlife / house hopping adventure.  In retrospect, I was clearly bouncing between who I had once been (a stable home owner, small business owner and mother of three), and who I was now (a wandering nomad  / vanlifer ).  In fact, during that six-year period, I bought and sold eight houses  / condos and five different RVs and vans!  Yes, you read that correctly.  To say I was lost is an understatement. 

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Finally with help of several amazing suicide loss support groups and the birth of my second grandson, I have rebuilt my foundation (though truth be told, I still have a camper van in my driveway!  :)   But it's possible to rebuild and live again.  I've done it - and  you can too.  It is my hope that my personal experience with grief, as well as my training in individual and group coaching will help others who have found themselves struggling to redefine their lives after a traumatic loss.  You can rebuild your foundation and even live your best life - after.

 

And for anyone (like me), who needs to hear this: You don't have to do it alone!

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